I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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