I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
