I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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