I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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