I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
