i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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