Fuck appropriateness.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
