How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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