FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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