So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
