i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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