Where is the hickey?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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