omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
