you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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