So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
