My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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