No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
