Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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