is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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