well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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