Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have aggressive nipples.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
