I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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