Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
