I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
