Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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