I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
