I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
