Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
