OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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