Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
