You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
