Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
