quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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