Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
