she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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