her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
