do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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