Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
