I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
