if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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