I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
