Don't make out with my wife yet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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