Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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