I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
