Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
