you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I puked a lego.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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