He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
