Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
