Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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