I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
