Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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