real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
this hospital has no fireball
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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