you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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