plz talk dirty to me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
