I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
