11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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