Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
