Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
