Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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