Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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