so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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