so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
