Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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