So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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