It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
