His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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