Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
